Momdentity: Getting Lost in What It Means To Be A Mom

Growing up I fell in love with music and gravitated towards writing. I would watch MTV's MADE every single day and say "I want to do that," but I would also be the same person to make excuses and be too afraid to even try. These last few years I started to really admire people who do Yoga, and I wish I could go to concerts and coffee shops just to be around that atmosphere (I don't even like coffee). I  love arts and crafts and hanging out with my dog and dwarf hamster. I would just as gladly be consumed in sad stories and extend my heart to strangers endlessly until I fall into blankets and dream for hours at a time about a different perspective, place, idea, or world. I could play guitar all night and write mushy songs or binge watch shows on DVR and read young adult books. I craved socialization yet time alone was the best time to create.

Having a child changed my responsibilities, and now my priorities are different. Now that we're settling down into family life I noticed the other day I struggled to remember what I used to do for fun before I had a baby. I knew life would change, but I didn't know I had changed so much too. Now it's hard to know a life outside of endless piles of laundry, stacks of dishes, toys all over the floor, and food messes being made.

It's hard for me to ever take a break and focus on myself.

Me: Hmm, I have free time.. what should I do? Well, there's a lot of laundry that needs to be done, I need to clean up the trash, ... Wait. This is MY free time.. what would I have done before we had a baby? I like music.. maybe scrapbooking..

*5 seconds later*

I really need to get all of our baby's laundry done and the dishes, and I need to file the papers on the desk, and the stove needs cleaned, and the floor needs vacuumed, and he needs a safe place to play, and.....

*shocking realization*

I am a Mom and while that is incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, as well as chaotic and exhausting, underneath all of the poopy diapers and grins and giggles, slobbery kisses and misses, and the bops to the face and the love no one could ever replace..

I'm still me.

There will always be a to do list.

Don't ever forget what makes you, you, even if focusing on everyone else is the easier thing to do. Take some time out to enjoy the things you want to do. And remember, we're still growing too, and they're watching everything we do.

A happy and healthy Mommy = an even happier and healthier baby.
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