Making Time For Self-Care

Admittedly, making time for self-care is not something I’m good at, and it’s not something I’ve ever been good at. I care so much about other people and their needs that I tend to put a spotlight on it while all of my needs sit in the background and I wallow in self-pity that I’m not doing things 100% right all of the time (which by the way, is impossible). Even though I'm actually doing a great job and I'm a good mom, motherhood has definitely intensified the feelings of guilt and shame I have. Of course, I love being a Mom, but it’s hard work and I struggle a lot more than I care to admit.

The doctors said a lot of parents most often struggle to take care of themselves after their babies are born, and I can now say I understand how that happens. It seems like it's a never-ending balancing act to meet his needs when and how he wants them met. For now, being a mom is my job and my pint-sized mini-me is basically a mini-boss. What I fail to remember sometimes is that ultimately, I make the rules, and if I’m not being taken care of as well as I could be, he’s not going to be taken care of as well as he could be either.

I have a really hard time ever letting Aiden be upset. It’s been 17 months and even though I have been able to do my treatments or do something for myself here or there, I still haven’t learned how to do both on the same day. Taking care of myself is difficult because I feel like I am neglecting him in doing so. Crying is a natural part of communication for toddlers, but it always tugs on my heartstrings and makes me wonder if I'm doing everything I can to benefit him. Harder still is the opportunity to raise him alongside my parents who have their own parenting styles and preferences.

Ultimately, I’m just here trying to learn the ropes like everyone else. Of course, motherhood is amazing. I look at photos and watch videos of us before bed because I already miss him, even though I'm pouring from an empty cup and need a break (thanks for that one, Dahli). Even though there’s no official handbook on how to raise a child, every day it becomes a little clearer what’s right or wrong, and hopefully, in the end, we’ll get that sweet satisfaction that our sleepless nights and hardest days have made a difference and finally, I can take care of myself too.